Okay. In the end, all blame is on me.

As I can see, you’re ecstatic now. Finally you’ve found someone more precious than diamonds or any other friggin’ rings, and that’s not me.

I didn’t know what happened to us back then. It was unexplainable but- come to think of that moment when you looked straight into my eyes, pleaded me not to cry, and wiped away my tears. Hell, I realized at once that that’s goodbye, but again- goodbyes ought to have explanations, and seriously, darn it! Don’t you think I deserve one?

The way we ended this was pretty rough; most people who were aware of our story would equally say so. However, why did you not chose to care? Not even for the sake of our pinagsamahan (companionship)? That’s how you had put it, right? What kind of pinagsamahan was that? The one full of jokes, secrets, alibis? The one that is more on truth-denying and role-playing? Screw that, punk! I detest all of it! I despise everything, even our only pinagsamahan!

Why was the blame loaded heavy just on me?
… was it because I did not told you right away that I need you?
… was it because I woke up too late to shout that I like love you?
… was it because you were discouraged (why?) after you perceived the possibility of our being together?
I would die to hear the answers straight from your cajoling mouth, and yet you turned your back then walked away, without bothering to look again.

I still remember the night of our dance:
... even if you only have a half-heart when you asked me to dance (since my friends deeply beseech you to do so), I became happy;
... even if you laughed out loud while I’m crying a river in despair, for I wanted to show you that I’m ready to give it in, I was happy;
... even if you’re with her and not with me, I tried my very best to be happy.
... even if you two have already got past me, a mere nuisance to your relationship, I believe that I’m happy, because in the end I know that you’re truly happy.

xoxo

posted by Gi @ 11:10 AM